Stereotypical Knives

If you have any experience with knives these will make sense

Knives are extremely useful whether you need to skin a buck, fashion a fish spear, or cut off your brother’s fingers as you fight over the last doughnut.¹ Where I come from, if someone asks you if you have a pocketknife on you, you're supposed to say, “Got my pants on don’t I?" So, I’m going to talk about different types of knives and their uses.

• Pocket knife

These knives are great for everything from cutting cheese, to cutting your brother because he “cut the cheese”.² It’s anywhere from 20-100 dollars for a good pocketknife.

• Cheap Chinese knife???

The cheap knives are 2-10 dollars on Amazon and are a great cause of frustration. So, if you are not frustrated enough, just buy one of these blighters and prepare to be frustrated. Warning! Possible maiming or injury may or may not occur!!! WARNING (crazy French gibberish)!!!

• Hunting knife

  It’s impossible to tell but these knives are used for hunting. 🤯 Though they can be used for bushcraft too, which doesn’t make sense because it’s called a hunting knife.

• Carving knife:

  Great for cutting meat but not carving wood which makes no sense, but very dangerous in the hands of Brinkly and/or the old farmer’s wife.

• Swedish hand forged $400,000,000 knife

  Great for rich collectors and knife enthusiasts and emptying your bank.

• Big knife (a.k.a. snickersneeze)

  These knives are large hence the name Big…knife…?

• “Real knife” (as seen in “Crocodile Dundee”)

  About 2ft long and great for hiding in your waist band, threatening would-be-thieves and generally being over dramatic.

• Throwing knife

  The ultimate redneck tool. Can be used as a weapon or for hunting or just being cool. When throwing it, always do it underhand (it’s always underhand don’t ask me why)

• Swiss army knife

  These knives can do anything from saw small trees to open any random bottles that you find while you are lost in the woods using any of the 47 different can/bottle openers. Listen to this review! “This is in no way related to Swiss cheese!” ⭐1 star -Anonymous.

• Hidden knife

  Can be hidden in boot or under the left arm. (It’s always the left arm don’t ask me why.)

Photo by Chris Chow on Unsplash

1. Note, we are not responsible for any injuries…

2. We do not encourage nor condone this type of behavior, but if you do, please write and tell us how it went.